If you see photos of her taken with other guys in her albums and she has not asked you to take a photo with her to upload to hers, it's very clear where you stand in her life. Stop fantasizing. You're been friendzoned. Ignored. Move on. Even if you confess and she accepts a relationship with you, it won't be any different from being not in a relationship with you (not forgetting that girls nowadays accept relationships quite readily while still searching for better options). It is also a sign that your dating market value in her eyes has fallen. I've seen many guy friends enter into such relationships only to end up like that, because basically they can't maintain their value in the eyes of the girl they like. Happened to me too. That's why most of the time, before I confess, I give up. Because if she likes you, the kinds of hints she gives you will be very obvious. Today is the day I realize I have to give up, after eight months of dating her. I'm nothing more than just an 'ordinary friend' to her, even though she treated me more importantly than how other girls have treated me so far.
I realized that dating by itself, is like issuing shares onto the share market. It is controlled very much by market forces. Your market value depends on the value of your company. Is it making money? Does it have good corporate governance? Does it have long-term stability? Does it offer value to the buyer? All these determine whether people will buy or sell your shares? Same thing with dating.
Men during their 20s-30s or sometimes beyond are generally very insecure in the dating market. Because basically, unlike the girl who is in her youthful and fertile phase, basically has everything in terms of looks and youthfulness, the whole world is courting her. "Boys" from her class. "Guys" who are five years her age. Guys who are ten years her age. Professionals who could even be 15 years her age (hmm wait is he married?). That's when most guys are insecure at this age and can turn controlling and possesive.
According to "Professor" Jeraldine Phneah, a local blogger who is also a part time model and photographer, who has her articles backed by ample research and statistics by social research institutions, the time when a man reaches his maximum value on the dating market is 40. That will be the time when his career is stable and he would have gathered enough years of experience on how to deal with people, especially women. He would be better equipped to make a woman happy. Most guys in their twenties to thirties are clueless on how to make their women happy, and that will in turn cause the girls to be restless, or even dissatisfied with their relationships, causing them to either be quarrelsome if they stay in the relationship, end the relationship for another one, or look for flings. I have read testimonials by girls who did all these and found all these so true, even as a guy.
Have you heard of this saying? "A woman's loyalty is tested when the man has nothing. A man's loyalty is tested when the man has everything."
How about another saying? "If you want to test a person's character, give him power."
Girls in their 20s-30s are at their most powerful age, and this is why they are generally more judgmental and "I am holier than thou" or "know it all" in the way they (most of them whom I know, not all) speak, even though their experience in life and views of the world have yet to reach the stage where anyone can say that they have seen it all.
Of course, when you are at your most fertile age and productive age, you'll feel invincible. You'll challenge the limits of your capabilities, try to outshine other girls (or even guys). You will seek experience after experience, pleasure after pleasure, boyfriend after boyfriend, and nowadays it's orgasm after orgasm (unheard of during our parents' days). You'll have needs as numerous as the stars in the sky, and the man who can satisfy the most number of those needs, wins.
"Those were the days, my friend. We thought they'd never end. We'd sing and dance forever and a day. We'd live the life we choose. We'd fight and never lose. Those were the days, my friend, those were the days."
Come 30 onwards, if you have not hit the milestone of marriage, those are the lyrics you will sing. Now at this point, the guys would be somewhere in their lives, assuming they already started out on their careers. This doesn't include guys who had difficulty finding employment after graduation because of the labour market crunch <- if you are in this situation, you're no different from being in your economic sapling 20s, apart from being wiser in terms of life experience.
The ladies will still have their youthful beauty, though starting to fade away especially after childbirth. At this point, they generally will not be so reckless with their words, and will have developed more of the wisdom needed to be a mother, a wife, and raise a child, assuming they even get married. Those who have not, will also be wiser and more experienced, and also more understanding. Of course, being an experienced and established career woman, you would be more confident as a person and your expectations of a man would go up, in terms of the watch he wears, the car he drives. Younger men will be a no-no since it would be shortchanging your very own value as a woman which you worked so hard for so far in a so-called "men's world", which is fast becoming a "women's world" too. Just like how men won't marry up, women won't marry down. Even though there are men who are willing to choose a woman older than them, the women who are willing to settle for a younger man still pale in terms of percentage.
Come 40 onwards, assuming that as a man you are already successful, driving a nice car and getting a really nice salary from your company as a higher-level management executive, your value in the dating market should hit the roof. You’re at your prime and you can easily provide for your woman, or women. Back in his twenties, there may have been certain type of women whom he will not be able to get, and he probably settled for one who was within his reach during that time. Once he reaches that age, suddenly the type of woman that he always wanted would come into his life. By then he would already be married and won’t be able to pursue her, and even if he did, it would be miserable and he would be accused of cheating, and the woman will be accused of being a home breaker.
Quoting Professor Jeraldine:
“A lot of girls think that they can belittle/neglect/disrespect their guy as much as they like. In your early twenties, you can afford to do this and the guy will still treat you well. Why so because at this point in time, guys do not look as nice compared to girls and also have very little financial resources, translating to low market value in the dating market.”
“If you end up leaving this guy at this point in time, there are plenty of fishes in the sea even if you are just about average looking.”
“As such, during this phase, the guy tends to be more giving and sacrificial but the game changes when they increase in net worth. However, over time, the guy's power will grow in the relationship. He will get richer as his career progresses. In contrast, the girl will lose power as she ages. Physical beauty only last until they are 40 (unless you are like my mum who still looks very young because of her good genes and healthy life style).”
“As such, if you are the type of girl who doesn't have very bright career prospects but happen to be at least average looking AND you ill-treat him in your youth.... it is very likely that this resentment would build and when it is his turn to have more power and control in the relationship, good luck to you. He will probably gain new found confidence over time and go out and cheat or something.”
I watched a Hong Kong drama which I can’t remember the name, but it was about murder cases and so on, so I think it was a court drama. The girl, the accused, was a very lovely girl in her 20s. She met a guy and fell in love with him, but he was already married, and even though they cliqued very well, shared the same interests and ideals, legally he could not be with her. She loved him so much that she said, “It was my fault. I got to know you too late”. Yes, if she could get to know him before he got married many years ago, they would probably be together by now. I can’t remember the rest of the details but I think either the guy or his wife died and she was accused for the murder and was on the run.
That leaves me to the question. Does it make sense for guys to get married (and settle for someone below their expectations) before they reach their economic prime in their 40s in terms of life experience and social standing, when actually in future, they may meet someone better, which could be someone who was out of their league when they were powerless in the 20s?
For me, being an average earner with average looks and average achievements, I know where some of my male friends and I stand on the dating market. If I don’t go all out and introduce myself at social events, gathering or parties, waste my saliva introducing myself, my job, and my language abilities, and manage some basic flirting, basically my chances of meeting or getting to know someone will be zero, that’s for sure. Despite what I do to socialize, eventually I’m still not part of any group, there is no chemistry, and therefore no relationship. Most of the ladies have lots of male friends messaging them, and if you are of no value to them, don’t expect your messages to be even read or replied.
Going forward, it’s not over yet.
I realized that dating by itself, is like issuing shares onto the share market. It is controlled very much by market forces. Your market value depends on the value of your company. Is it making money? Does it have good corporate governance? Does it have long-term stability? Does it offer value to the buyer? All these determine whether people will buy or sell your shares? Same thing with dating.
Men during their 20s-30s or sometimes beyond are generally very insecure in the dating market. Because basically, unlike the girl who is in her youthful and fertile phase, basically has everything in terms of looks and youthfulness, the whole world is courting her. "Boys" from her class. "Guys" who are five years her age. Guys who are ten years her age. Professionals who could even be 15 years her age (hmm wait is he married?). That's when most guys are insecure at this age and can turn controlling and possesive.
According to "Professor" Jeraldine Phneah, a local blogger who is also a part time model and photographer, who has her articles backed by ample research and statistics by social research institutions, the time when a man reaches his maximum value on the dating market is 40. That will be the time when his career is stable and he would have gathered enough years of experience on how to deal with people, especially women. He would be better equipped to make a woman happy. Most guys in their twenties to thirties are clueless on how to make their women happy, and that will in turn cause the girls to be restless, or even dissatisfied with their relationships, causing them to either be quarrelsome if they stay in the relationship, end the relationship for another one, or look for flings. I have read testimonials by girls who did all these and found all these so true, even as a guy.
Have you heard of this saying? "A woman's loyalty is tested when the man has nothing. A man's loyalty is tested when the man has everything."
How about another saying? "If you want to test a person's character, give him power."
Girls in their 20s-30s are at their most powerful age, and this is why they are generally more judgmental and "I am holier than thou" or "know it all" in the way they (most of them whom I know, not all) speak, even though their experience in life and views of the world have yet to reach the stage where anyone can say that they have seen it all.
Of course, when you are at your most fertile age and productive age, you'll feel invincible. You'll challenge the limits of your capabilities, try to outshine other girls (or even guys). You will seek experience after experience, pleasure after pleasure, boyfriend after boyfriend, and nowadays it's orgasm after orgasm (unheard of during our parents' days). You'll have needs as numerous as the stars in the sky, and the man who can satisfy the most number of those needs, wins.
"Those were the days, my friend. We thought they'd never end. We'd sing and dance forever and a day. We'd live the life we choose. We'd fight and never lose. Those were the days, my friend, those were the days."
Come 30 onwards, if you have not hit the milestone of marriage, those are the lyrics you will sing. Now at this point, the guys would be somewhere in their lives, assuming they already started out on their careers. This doesn't include guys who had difficulty finding employment after graduation because of the labour market crunch <- if you are in this situation, you're no different from being in your economic sapling 20s, apart from being wiser in terms of life experience.
The ladies will still have their youthful beauty, though starting to fade away especially after childbirth. At this point, they generally will not be so reckless with their words, and will have developed more of the wisdom needed to be a mother, a wife, and raise a child, assuming they even get married. Those who have not, will also be wiser and more experienced, and also more understanding. Of course, being an experienced and established career woman, you would be more confident as a person and your expectations of a man would go up, in terms of the watch he wears, the car he drives. Younger men will be a no-no since it would be shortchanging your very own value as a woman which you worked so hard for so far in a so-called "men's world", which is fast becoming a "women's world" too. Just like how men won't marry up, women won't marry down. Even though there are men who are willing to choose a woman older than them, the women who are willing to settle for a younger man still pale in terms of percentage.
Come 40 onwards, assuming that as a man you are already successful, driving a nice car and getting a really nice salary from your company as a higher-level management executive, your value in the dating market should hit the roof. You’re at your prime and you can easily provide for your woman, or women. Back in his twenties, there may have been certain type of women whom he will not be able to get, and he probably settled for one who was within his reach during that time. Once he reaches that age, suddenly the type of woman that he always wanted would come into his life. By then he would already be married and won’t be able to pursue her, and even if he did, it would be miserable and he would be accused of cheating, and the woman will be accused of being a home breaker.
Quoting Professor Jeraldine:
“A lot of girls think that they can belittle/neglect/disrespect their guy as much as they like. In your early twenties, you can afford to do this and the guy will still treat you well. Why so because at this point in time, guys do not look as nice compared to girls and also have very little financial resources, translating to low market value in the dating market.”
“If you end up leaving this guy at this point in time, there are plenty of fishes in the sea even if you are just about average looking.”
“As such, during this phase, the guy tends to be more giving and sacrificial but the game changes when they increase in net worth. However, over time, the guy's power will grow in the relationship. He will get richer as his career progresses. In contrast, the girl will lose power as she ages. Physical beauty only last until they are 40 (unless you are like my mum who still looks very young because of her good genes and healthy life style).”
“As such, if you are the type of girl who doesn't have very bright career prospects but happen to be at least average looking AND you ill-treat him in your youth.... it is very likely that this resentment would build and when it is his turn to have more power and control in the relationship, good luck to you. He will probably gain new found confidence over time and go out and cheat or something.”
I watched a Hong Kong drama which I can’t remember the name, but it was about murder cases and so on, so I think it was a court drama. The girl, the accused, was a very lovely girl in her 20s. She met a guy and fell in love with him, but he was already married, and even though they cliqued very well, shared the same interests and ideals, legally he could not be with her. She loved him so much that she said, “It was my fault. I got to know you too late”. Yes, if she could get to know him before he got married many years ago, they would probably be together by now. I can’t remember the rest of the details but I think either the guy or his wife died and she was accused for the murder and was on the run.
That leaves me to the question. Does it make sense for guys to get married (and settle for someone below their expectations) before they reach their economic prime in their 40s in terms of life experience and social standing, when actually in future, they may meet someone better, which could be someone who was out of their league when they were powerless in the 20s?
For me, being an average earner with average looks and average achievements, I know where some of my male friends and I stand on the dating market. If I don’t go all out and introduce myself at social events, gathering or parties, waste my saliva introducing myself, my job, and my language abilities, and manage some basic flirting, basically my chances of meeting or getting to know someone will be zero, that’s for sure. Despite what I do to socialize, eventually I’m still not part of any group, there is no chemistry, and therefore no relationship. Most of the ladies have lots of male friends messaging them, and if you are of no value to them, don’t expect your messages to be even read or replied.
Going forward, it’s not over yet.
For the many times I have been friendzoned, at least I am relieved to know I was friendzoned. I don’t have to guess whether I have a chance or whether I have just wasted an opportunity by not taking action.
I am not giving up hope on dating or getting someone who is attractive or has a certain status to be interested in me and not just friendzone me. I’m still young, and have plenty more to learn and many things to experience. I have many friends who are pretty much “friendzoned” by their partners or spouses but are not opting out of the relationships only for legal or family reasons. I don’t know who is more reasonable, me or them? I swear that one day I’ll reach that stage where I will have value on the dating market, not to actually date them, but know that I’m being wanted. Life will probably be too good for me to even consider entering a marriage or a relationship by then. Probably that will be when I’m fourty.
Likewise, as usual I will be adopting the more cowardly approach of putting the blame back on God. “If you are destined to be together, you will eventually be together and nothing can separate you.” Sounds like what your parents would say, doesn’t it?
Still feels nice to be at the age when I can afford to believe in this hogwash. I’m a young guy, penniless and powerless, and almost worthless on the dating market. Yet, I still feel thankful to be young and have more opportunity to explore my likes and dislikes in women.
Likewise, as usual I will be adopting the more cowardly approach of putting the blame back on God. “If you are destined to be together, you will eventually be together and nothing can separate you.” Sounds like what your parents would say, doesn’t it?
Still feels nice to be at the age when I can afford to believe in this hogwash. I’m a young guy, penniless and powerless, and almost worthless on the dating market. Yet, I still feel thankful to be young and have more opportunity to explore my likes and dislikes in women.
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